Tues July 26

another day of not much.... if there is something I should be doing to make things better, I am not sure what it is now. i feel that i need to align myself with different people, different musicians, etc. i am stalling in life it seems.

on the bright side, it is a nice sunny day, and I am wondering if i need to get out and take a walk around town. today is one of those sleepy, tired days that I just cant seem to get up in. we will see what i will do. ive got time.

it seems like i have lost a lot of desire to progress. i dont really know what to do about it. what a quandry...ha!

went and saw Thomas Mapfumo this weekend, got there almost an hour late, and saw about a half hour of half assed tired, uninspired music. it was good, but not inspired. i am only going to go check stuff out like that if it is going to be a really happening show, with two sets instead of one, that i can afford. it really was a bummer. oh well.

we had some fun playing in central park on sunday. we made about 19 dollars each, which isnt too bad considering that we were in a fairly bad spot to play in. (No one could see us, really), but people hung out and watched us for a while. after that we all went down to dimsum a gogo and had a real blowout. i wonder if jeremy felt the same way i did about it. we are not salaried employees! it was fun and probably worth the 30 dollars each.

maybe i should go down and check out the mark morganelli bebop motherfucking all stars and watch the same fucking standards over and over again. maybe not.

maybe i need to get myself a steel string guitar and write some more songs. listen to more songs. something like that. too bad i sold my old fender in boston. i think the neck was warped to hell anyway.

like every other time i get bored and uninspired and lazy, I start getting infatuated with buying new equipment. you know, a bass guitar when i never play bass guitar, a new electric upright, that kind of shit. a complete waste of time and ultimately a really bad idea. maybe i should just sell a bunch of equipment instead. especially my marcus miller. what a p.o.s. looks good, sounds bad. I think it just doesnt have a good low end, and I dont really like the feel of the neck.

Time to quit my bitching.

next

well... just had a serious workout at the gym. I ran on the treadmill so hard that I began to get that detached feeling like i would get in high school when sprinting at the end of a long distance run. The feeling is that you are being detached from your body and just watching it run. You feel very relaxed. I think that exercising is really beginning to improve my general happiness. When I am not doing anything it can really make my depressed and kill my ambition. I dont know, maybe I need some antidepressants. I am a little worried about getting into that zone, but maybe I shouldnt be..... that is something I think I need to think long and hard about.

I feel at times like i need to do something completely different than what I am doing now. I dont know how i can get into that, but I have to somehow.

#4

After reading most of Phil's book, i realized that i had really started to forget why i began playing music in the first place. I think the reason I wanted to play was to interact with the divine, to connect with something greater than I found here in this plane. I suppose that listening to music could be such an exilerating emotional experience for me. I loved to listen to the drum solo from lovelight on live dead in my room in between the speakers and immerse myself in the sound of the interaction and creation. i think cream, the dead, and hendrix really represented to me the idea of creating something greater than the whole with a group of like minded musicians, and the power of that is something i really felt a kinship to.

I wonder if going to music school, and choosing this route really changed my view on music or if it fucked me up.... i don't know. I think it is really time that i make a huge effort to try to return to that place. Be less critical of myself, and try to create vehicles for that kind of music, music that i can grow in a spiritual way with. I guess i need to begin to surround myself with those type of people as well.

#3

Saturday..... ended up having 3 gigs this weekend when I thought I was only going to have one. Good. I need them. Money has been tight this month, and I think I am going to need to get a serious day job next semester. I cant get anything right now because I am going to cali next month for about 14 days.

Just thinking about how glad i am that my grandpa talked me into learning how to touch type. i think it has been a major asset, even though i dont type very fast. maybe I will get faster from typing these posts.

I wrote a song for my post yesterday, and I think it is probably the best song ive written with lyrics. ive always been sort of scared of writing lyrics.... i guess im afraid that people would think they are stupid. now that i am old, i dont really care. i should try to write a song a week. it would probably do me good. i think it would be so cool to have a set of acoustic music that I could play solo on guitar. go back to the roots, yo!

overall it's been a really depressing week.... didnt make it into the gym, barely touched my bass. i really have to get it fixed. it is just not fun to play right now.

i think i need to set some goals for myself to focus my efforts here. maybe I should make a point to go to every jam session i can, or to begin to write some more music, jazz or rock.. i dont care. i really would like to put more energy into functus. when i listen to our stuff, i realize just how powerful that music is. i should write some music for functus!.... we need to record a cd. soon.

what other goals should i set? i am in a real grey area musically. i am really dissatisfied with playing jazz. i dont know why. i just am not feeling it. maybe i could really start to focus my efforts on getting what i can out of school. i should maybe try to study with kermit or doug. i dont know.

#2

starts on 5
e7 a
if there was ever one id lose
c#7 f#mi
you'd never be the one
e7 a
id look for you beyond the stars
g f e7
and also by the sun

inspire the ones who never start
never get it done
the ones who hang out by the sand
and also by the sun
abmi7 db7
you always made it seem so easy
b b/a# abmi
you always did
abmi7 db7
i found it wasn't fuckin' easy
b b/a# abmi abmi/gb db/f
why cant it just be simple for me
it was simple for you
i tried to go there once or twice
i never could get it done
you were just carried with the wind
and also by the sun

#2

well. skipped a day. went into nyc for the day and played many basses at david gage's shop and a new standard bass in fort tryon. didnt like the sunken top. sounded great. didnt like the sunken top.

i am hoping to try and not have my instrument hinder my creativity, my technique, and my expression. i have been feeling lately that the double bass is such a difficult instrument to play that it is very hard to get to a place where i can be relaxed and able to express freely. I seem to remember being very comfortable with my instrument before, but now i dont seem to be getting much sound from it. i really should get it fixed before its too late to fix it correctly. i think the wood is green i think i should get rid of it... maybe i could get my juzek and kay fixed and one of them will really be sounding great. i think that is a good, yet expensive idea.

just picked up the gary burton/keith jarrett cd and i am finding that i like the second record on the cd called "throb" almost better than the first one. it has richard greene on violin and has a folky, country type feel to it, getting closer to what i am hearing for a jazz sound. i think it is simple triads and simple moving harmony with bluesy touches, thereby giving a rhythmically loose, yet simple, rock like sound. the opposite of just jamming on one chord. i guess it could even have some funk touches as well. just not a boring parallel chord progression or a stupid funk vamp...... speaking of funk vamps.

I am getting excited for the functus show next month. I will have to get the promo out there with glen starkey and those other jackasses in slo..... actually, he may be the only jackass amongst them. probably so. I am really going to try and get my electric chops together this time so I dont sound like a moron on stage. gotta memorize those songs, and maybe try to do a new vocal tune. maybe a ray charles tune or something. who knows. we really have to record the band and get our shit together so we can have some gigs around cali....

summer has been a difficult time for me here. i cant really get a job because i am leaving on the 4th of august and i am not being so productive lately. i need to put up more flyers, make a bunch of them and put them up wherever i go. keep some tape on me at all times! someone will call... i cant believe i havent done that yet. its just lame...! oh well. no point in beating up on myself. gotta try not to do that.

i suppose i sorta am having a hard time being here without any good old pals around. i gotta get ahold of mikey and see if we could hang out sometime. i just have been having a tough time clicking with people here. i dont really know why. i think i have some shit to get off my chest too..... the family thing has been tough.

gotta get grandpa something for his bday today! 90 years is a long, long time. good for him!

Almost a Year

Well, its almost been a year here in Irvington, NY... just far enough outside of nyc to be nice and just far enough outside of NYC to be boring. Last month I was able to play with John Abercrombie and Bob Meyer up at John's house, and it was pretty fun. Not amazing, but pretty fun. Went to California for a week or so in June and enjoyed the sunshine and friends. Not much going on since then. Playing tonight at the C-Note in the East Village with the Dave Kain Group. Might be fun. Decent band with good songs.

Went to California to help move stuff out of my grandparent's house. They just entered a home for Alzheimer's patients and don't know that they aren't coming home. It brings up extremely mixed emotions for me; I dont know if it is the right thing to do, and I think it has been really difficult for all of my family. It has really made me see just how small my family truly is. Alzheimer's really is a fucked up disease. Its as if they are leaving you or already are gone, but they are still there. yet not there... made me think a lot about how important my grandpa is to me and how much he has influenced my life. i dont know where i would be without him. they say that people are formed by the first few years of their life experience and influence. Much of that time I spent with him. going by all his old haunts.... george at la tapatiere, george at the shish kebob place, the printer guy, yerevan. we had a lot of fun. later on i never really felt that comfortable communicating with him, and maybe he didnt either. generation gap i guess. he is gonna be 90 this week.... i hope he has a great b-day. gotta get him a present.

today i put up a bunch of flyers round town. im trying to get things moving; ive been in sort of a dark place lately and need to pull out of it. make shit happen y'know. i think in due time everything will get better if i just go for it. a lady stopped me and told me to go talk to her father at eastchester music center on white plains rd. i will go in and check it out.

been getting into the gym to work out lately, and i think it is helping improve my mood and general well being, in addition to trying to lose some weight. swimming feels great, but gets monotonous and sort of boring. gotta try to focus more and relax to enjoy it. turns out you can sorta see through my swim trunks..... not good. maybe have to get some speedos or something.... ha! we will see about that!

im going to see if i can continue this as sort of a diary for a few weeks to help focus and get my shit together. i hope it works...